Verdades irrefutáveis acerca de Chuck Norris!!!

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• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  
  
• There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  
  
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

• Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

• Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

• Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  
  
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  
  
• For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

• When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  
  
• In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

• Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  
  
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  
  
• Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

• Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

• The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

• You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  
  
• When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

• Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

• James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

• Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Escolhidas pelo próprio Chuck Norris:

· When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

· Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

· There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

· Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

· Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

· Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

· There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

· When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the

Earth down.

· Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

· Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.